Becky Holland
Oh, no, here she comes.
Head down, burying my eyes into the object by her keyboard, Sally hoped she wouldn’t be seen.
Sally thought to herself, “ I just can’t take another day, another moment of it. She is going to walk in, sit down and just take over the room in conversation. Of course, it is going to be one sided and full of complaining and criticizing and nitpicky stuff. Maybe she will think I am in the zone and she won’t talk to me.”
She sat down. “Can you believe how hot it is out there? Oh, well, back to the dragon’s lair. You know, I dreamed, no, I had a nightmare about coming to work today, having to sit here all day and listen to people gripe and complain and it isn’t as if I don’t have enough to do.”
Sally rolled her eyes. “And there we go.” (Sally whispered to herself.)
As She went on and on about this person and that, and offered every cynical, negative and pessimistic view of the world, Sally just counted to 10 in pig Latin under her breath.
Sally thought about a book by Jack Canfield, called “Positive Ways to Deal With Complainers, Pessimists and Other Negative People.”
Canfield, if Sally remembered correctly, said something to the effect of “the world is full of cynics, whiners and naysayers. It’s best to weed out the negative people from our lives and spend time with those who uplift and encourage us.”
Sally, as she typed, half listening to the “She” who was just huffing and puffing, feeling the unhappiness drip from her tone, thought, but some of those people aren’t easy to avoid. Like the “She” in Sally’s world ... Her __________ (fill in any name here: boss, child, husband, boyfriend, coworker, grandmother)
Sally could feel the stress headache rising from the back of her neck up to the top of her head, and her muscles tightening. “Who does SHE think she is? She has got it all, a job, a car, a house, parents who love her, friends who think she is pretty neat, money, nice clothes, and look at her, she even has a Fossil watch. And that is a pretty expensive watch. She gets to sit there all day and I have to do this, that and the other and no extra pay. Come on.”
Sally tried to think about Canfield’s book, and the strategies laid out of dealing with negative people. (a)Concede the negative person’s point quickly and completely.
Sally laughed. According to Canfield, whatever he or she is complaining about, tell him that you agree, then take his argument even further. This leaves the complainer with nowhere else to go on the subject, and it might shut him or her up a lot quicker or get an admission that the situation is not really that bad.
Sally laughed to herself, “Yeah, right. Who could get her to shut up or admit even anything like that. Listen to her going on and on, drawing up like a cat defending his territory if anyone even says anything to her.”
(b) Set conversational boundaries. Some people, according to Canfield, become negative only when certain topics are broached. Tell them that you do not wish to discuss these topics with them in the future and ask them to agree that this is okay. Just say you feel uncomfortable talking about this topics.
Sally frowned, “Can’t do it. Just can’t do it. What if it is your _____________ (Fill in a name here)?”
(c) Turn complaining sessions into strategy sessions. Sometimes negativity can be transformed into a mandate for action.
Sally remembered the illustration from Canfield. It was like a neighbor was complaining endlessly about the stupidity of the local government, and Canfield encouraged the neighbor to write a letter editorial for the local newspaper. She laughed, “That is even more stupid. That newspaper is biased.”
Canfield’s other strategies included: (d) separate the past from the future. Most people are negative because of past defeats. These people tend to shoot down ideas with statements such as ‘We tried that five years ago. It didn’t work.”; (e) Press for solutions. Negative people are good at telling us why ideas won’t work, but are very and at telling us how to overcome the problems. Instead of drawing on the problems, Canfield said, make the negative person come up with three potential solutions; and (f) cross out the problems.
Sally laughed really hard. She thought for moment, “No one is going to listen to me. They never have and never will. I always get the blame for everything, and if I tried to tell her (referring to the she) that opposite, oh, it is not worth it. It is the same old, same old thing, day in and day out.”
Canfield’s last theory was to use humor. A joke can help lift the dark cloud that a negative person can bring down upon a room. Just to make sure that your jokes are about yourself or the situation and never about the negative person. Making jokes at a negative person’s expense will worsen his mood.
Sally stopped thinking.
She noticed that “She” had stopped talking.
Sally put the cosmetic mirror in her bag, and looked around the room. She had been alone the whole time.
So, what do you do when the pessimistic, complaining, whining person is ... you?
(Dramatic pause)
I'm starting with the man (woman) in the mirror, I'm asking him( her) to change his(her) ways, and no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make your world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change, (Chorus to Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror)
Becky Holland is news and education editor of the Americus Times-Recorder and can be reached at becky.holland@gaflnews.com or via telephone at 229-924-2751.
