The mountain and mole hill factor

Dwain Walden

Moultrie — Ever heard the expression “making a mountain out of a mole hill?” It’s a rather generic utterance to describe when something is blown way out of proportion.

The press gets blamed with blowing things out of proportion all the time. I once wrote a column about Dolly Parton, and a reader told me I had blown her out of proportion. I said no, her hits are for real.

Now about making mountains out of mole hills. It happens every day.

For instance, in New York this week, Santa Claus got a parking ticket. He was delivering gifts to children in Brooklyn dressed as Santa. His vehicle was a horse-drawn carriage. Anyway, an SUV carrying the toys and protecting the horse from traffic was double parked next to him. So Santa gets issued a ticket for $115. He even yelled “Ho! Ho! Ho!”, but he got the ticket anyway. I guess he’s lucky he didn’t also get charged with soliciting prostitution after yelling “Ho!”

If I was Santa and the city would not drop that ticket, I would ask for a jury trial. I would have entered into evidence a tape of the movie “The Grinch That Stole Christmas.” I would quote from Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol,” and I would read the time-honored editorial response from the editor of The Chicago Tribune, “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” And then I would write a book, get on Jay Leno and Oprah and go on a speaking tour. I would have photos taken of mountains and mole hills and display them at every appearance. I would wear the “spirit of Christmas” like a politician wears the American flag.

Then in Jefferson City, Mo., a state lawmaker wants to repeal a 19 Century law that bans the sale of yellow margarine. It’s been many years since any violator was charged on such an offense. Imitation butter was banned back in 1895. Obviously such a law could not stand a Constitutional challenge. It doesn’t even need repealing. Just ignore it. There are many laws in many states still on the books that can’t be enforced. If anyone tried to prosecute someone under this anti-margarine law, it would truly be making a mountain out of a mole hill. It would be a very slippery slope on which to try to build a legal career. It might even involve the cholesterol police and the “I can’t believe it’s not butter” brigade.

And now this one takes the cake!

There’s a kid in Easton, Pa., named Adolf Hitler Campbell. A bakery refused to print the child’s entire name on the cake. Now I’m not going into the issue of a child being named in this fashion. That’s a whole ’nuther column. I’m just saying that a 3-year-old knows little of history but does know about birthday cakes.

Well, another bakery converted the mountain back into a mole hill and granted the wish for the full name on the cake. And following the birthday party, the world still rotates on the same axis. The stars still shine, gas prices are still low and the win of the Atlanta Falcons over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers has not been reversed.

Now I agree that the first bakery has a right to refuse the wording for any or no reason. But I have a comment for them. “It’s a 3-year-old for Christ sake! Get your head out of your icing!”

(Dwain Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer., 985-4545. Email: dwain.walden@gaflnews.com)

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